You know the feeling. A bill you didn’t expect comes in the mail…you are looking to pay the performance fee for your daughter’s upcoming dance recital…the car needs repairs, and you already feel strapped for cash…
Sound familiar?
Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in marriage and one of the most sited problems when clients call for marriage counseling. Whether it’s differing spending habits, contrasting financial goals, or disagreements about debt, financial arguments can create tension in even the strongest couples’ relationships. In the worst case, many of these marriages can end up in divorce! As a couple’s counselor, I am here to tell you it doesn’t have to be this way! Here are eight tips to help married couples and committed partners work through their financial differences and find common ground.
1. Learn to communicate.
Communication is key and learning to communicate well through big emotions is crucial! Couples cannot resolve financial disagreements without communication. Talking and listening go a long way to approach these money problems, even though it is hard. Couples counseling can go a long way to improve communication not only about money, but about other topics which can arise in marriage!
2. Set up shared financial goals.
Married and committed couples often have different financial priorities. But they also have financial goals in common. The trick is to identify and collaborate on the shared financial goal – when couples can work toward common goals, the ability to compromise grows, allowing the couple to understand that they can compromise on financial priorities which are not in common.
3. Create a spending plan
Spending plans create understanding and are an important tool for couple’s relationship harmony. It puts each member of the couple in the know about how money will be allocated whether it is to reduce debt, save for the future or daily cash flow. Spending plans do not mean restriction; rather, they help married couples and partners see that they can choose how they allocate for things rather than being surprised and then stressed when they happen. Communication is key, so couples counseling for communication skills is a good idea!
4. Learning compromise and boundaries.
Folks come into couples’ relationships with their own spending styles and personalities around money. Learning compromise and boundaries is a great way to establish a middle ground for married couples and life partners who have different spending styles.
5. Set up financial roles fairly.
Conquer and divide! Be a couple’s team! One of you may be better at paying bills while the other might be better and finding the best insurance rates. You need both to win! Please make sure that your roles are determined by areas of strength and not traditional gender roles.
6. Meet with a financial advisor if necessary.
Married couples and lifetime partners may have a situation which is more complicated and requires the support of a financial advisor – get one! Having a neutral third party can go a long way to help with better decisions, gain financial insight, and reduce financial and marital stress. Most couples find this support well worth it.
7. Have regular money meetings to review progress and adjust.
Your marriage finances may improve. Or you may find you have a new financial hurdle. Life happens and money changes have a real impact on a couple’s relationship. Having regular meetings is a great way to practice communication while collaborating over new issues which affect your couples’ financial goals. It’s amazing how these meetings can help a couple feel closer over time!
8. Respect each other.
Everyone has a money story which is shaped by their upbringing and life experiences. And couples bring these stories into their relationships and marriages. Instead of criticizing your partner because they have a different money mindset, try to understand and respect their perspective. While that can be hard when finances feel tight, communication over different perspectives is the only way through it. Couples counseling can help.
Final thoughts…
Financial disagreements happen…but they don’t have to cause undue strain on a couple and their marriage. Through couples counseling, they can learn how to communicate effectively. Effective communication enables a couple to set mutual financial goals, learn to create a spending plan, and respect each other’s money mindset which are prevalent in the relationship. Couples counseling can go a long way to make money management in marriage and other partnerships fertile ground for growth, trust, and a stronger connection in the relationship.
Sound familiar?
Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in marriage and one of the most sited problems when clients call for marriage counseling. Whether it’s differing spending habits, contrasting financial goals, or disagreements about debt, financial arguments can create tension in even the strongest couples’ relationships. In the worst case, many of these marriages can end up in divorce! As a couple’s counselor, I am here to tell you it doesn’t have to be this way! Here are eight tips to help married couples and committed partners work through their financial differences and find common ground.
1. Learn to communicate.
Communication is key and learning to communicate well through big emotions is crucial! Couples cannot resolve financial disagreements without communication. Talking and listening go a long way to approach these money problems, even though it is hard. Couples counseling can go a long way to improve communication not only about money, but about other topics which can arise in marriage!
2. Set up shared financial goals.
Married and committed couples often have different financial priorities. But they also have financial goals in common. The trick is to identify and collaborate on the shared financial goal – when couples can work toward common goals, the ability to compromise grows, allowing the couple to understand that they can compromise on financial priorities which are not in common.
3. Create a spending plan
Spending plans create understanding and are an important tool for couple’s relationship harmony. It puts each member of the couple in the know about how money will be allocated whether it is to reduce debt, save for the future or daily cash flow. Spending plans do not mean restriction; rather, they help married couples and partners see that they can choose how they allocate for things rather than being surprised and then stressed when they happen. Communication is key, so couples counseling for communication skills is a good idea!
4. Learning compromise and boundaries.
Folks come into couples’ relationships with their own spending styles and personalities around money. Learning compromise and boundaries is a great way to establish a middle ground for married couples and life partners who have different spending styles.
5. Set up financial roles fairly.
Conquer and divide! Be a couple’s team! One of you may be better at paying bills while the other might be better and finding the best insurance rates. You need both to win! Please make sure that your roles are determined by areas of strength and not traditional gender roles.
6. Meet with a financial advisor if necessary.
Married couples and lifetime partners may have a situation which is more complicated and requires the support of a financial advisor – get one! Having a neutral third party can go a long way to help with better decisions, gain financial insight, and reduce financial and marital stress. Most couples find this support well worth it.
7. Have regular money meetings to review progress and adjust.
Your marriage finances may improve. Or you may find you have a new financial hurdle. Life happens and money changes have a real impact on a couple’s relationship. Having regular meetings is a great way to practice communication while collaborating over new issues which affect your couples’ financial goals. It’s amazing how these meetings can help a couple feel closer over time!
8. Respect each other.
Everyone has a money story which is shaped by their upbringing and life experiences. And couples bring these stories into their relationships and marriages. Instead of criticizing your partner because they have a different money mindset, try to understand and respect their perspective. While that can be hard when finances feel tight, communication over different perspectives is the only way through it. Couples counseling can help.
Final thoughts…
Financial disagreements happen…but they don’t have to cause undue strain on a couple and their marriage. Through couples counseling, they can learn how to communicate effectively. Effective communication enables a couple to set mutual financial goals, learn to create a spending plan, and respect each other’s money mindset which are prevalent in the relationship. Couples counseling can go a long way to make money management in marriage and other partnerships fertile ground for growth, trust, and a stronger connection in the relationship.
