Healthy relationships are crucial to mental wellness. Watching couples heal and grow together has been one of the most valuable benefits of being a relational therapist. The following are some of the areas where I can help you build a stronger relationship:
- Pre-marital Therapy: Congratulations on your engagement! Now the real work starts…I am not talking about the party…I am talking about the marriage (although yes, the dress, photographer, and caterer are ALL important). Have you talked about money, conflict resolution, children, in-laws, faith, work life balance, career and …money? Yes, I said money twice because that is one of the top reasons for marital discord. Premarital counseling is a pre-set curriculum I have designed to help engaged couples discuss critical and difficult topics which come up as problems in long term marriages. We have flexibility with the curriculum to be able to attend to trouble spots. After the first session and questionnaire, we build a list of topics which both members of the relationship feel is important. Usually, the couple has some idea of what they will want to address, but many times they realize the need to discuss various topics after premarital counseling has begun. Premarital counseling takes about 4 - 6 months and I usually recommend scheduling 7 – 8 months before the wedding.
- Discernment Counseling: Are you not sure you can commit to a relationship which feels broken? Does it feel unfair to let your partner know you are “in” before you are 100% sure of it yourself? For this reason, some couples will avoid couples’ therapy. The problem is the relationship rarely improves. In these times, discernment counseling is a good short-term option to figure out if the couples can at least commit to 6 months of therapy to see if they are able to repair what has been broken. I offer this structured, short-term option, which will yield more effective couples therapy if the partners decide to forward to commit to couples counseling for 6 months. Depending on the outcome, couples can move on to traditional couples therapy knowing that they will commit to the process of repairing their marriage.
- Communication, Bickering and Conflict: Do you and your partner agree you do not communicate well? Do you think you are on the same page, only to find out you are not? Does your partner consistently misread the intentions behind your communication? Many couples are not aware of their negative communication patterns and the way their communication impacts their partner. With therapy, couples become able to identify their negative communication patterns and learn the tools to steer their communication toward assertive communication. This helps in all communication ranging from mild disagreements to negotiating difficult conversations
- Transitions in the Family Life Cycle: Are you growing your family? Are you trying to get pregnant? Is your last baby starting school or going to college? It is normal, but that does not make it easy! Couples can experience conflict as they navigate the stress of changes which come with transition in the family life cycle. I work with these couples to normalize, offer psychoeducation, and teach coping strategies which will help de-escalate conflicts and restore marital satisfaction.
- Post-Divorce Transition and Co-Parenting: Yes, you ended a partnership that doesn’t work, but the challenges are not over. After the trauma, turmoil, and aftermath of divorce, life goes on. And if there are children, that means ex partners never really leave each other’s lives. Children can be very resilient post-divorce provided the parents are able to give each other mutual respect and support. In post-divorce counseling, ex partners learn how to create mutual respect and communicate without conflict to prioritize the needs of the children as a team. This results in a non-combative, emotionally healthy environment for children to thrive post-divorce.
- Infidelity: Infidelity can be one of the most painful and misunderstood breaches of trust in a relationship. Yes, your partner is very remorseful, but how can you begin to trust again? How long must the offending partner who is now transparent deal with questioning and mistrust? And when will the temptation to check each other’s devices end… or will it ever? Whether the infidelity is physical or emotional, the discovery of the affair can be both shocking and traumatic. The feelings of hurt and betrayal require attention and healing before the relationship can be fully repaired. Through counseling, I help partners work through heightened emotions to reach understanding, healing, forgiveness, and, eventually, trust.
- Infertility: Why is it so hard to conceive? Should we try hormones and IVF to help things along? Why do we have to suffer the physical impact of hormones and the expense when other couples can so easily get pregnant? Couples are not always blessed with the ability to start a family and it isn’t fair. These situations and the subsequent decisions couples need to make benefit from the support of counseling. Therapy provides advocacy so that the couple can together discuss options, select the one that makes sense for them both, and process the emotions which come from the decision in a healthy way.
Pre- Parenting/Parent counseling: Not on the same page with parenting? Confused by what other parents are doing and feel like you must join the crowd? Parenting is the hardest job in the world. While children bring joy to life and marriage, they also bring stress. This begins with the addition of one child and can last through the teen years. Couples do best when they can anticipate the challenges which occur as a result of not being on the same page on many child rearing issues. Once these are addressed and strategized, the couple can move forward as a team to mitigate some of the conflict which arises when parenting decisions are not mutual.
- Internet and Phone addiction: Do you feel suspicious of your partner’s phone use? Does your partner act strangely when you come close to their phone or device? Are you noticing changes in behavior that seem to connect to your partner’s device? Partners commonly express disdain and dissatisfaction due to their partners continual use of the phone or internet. They feel unimportant, unseen, invisible, and taken for granted; slowly, they start to doubt the presence and company of their partner and become avoidant or anxious. Through therapy, couples can communicate these difficult emotions and establish agreements which mutually limit use of devices to make space for rich and gratifying couple’s time.
- Couples Money Coaching: Are you on the same page about money? Do you have and use the same philosophies about spending, saving and debt? Do you find yourself arguing about the same money issues over and over? Financially Fit Couples is a money coaching program I designed using my background in finance and therapy. I help communicate about and manage money together to reduce friction and costly mistakes which will undermine a couple's financial wellbeing and, potentially, their marriage. Click here for more information.
